the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
