I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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