All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
