Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
