Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
