I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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