Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
