Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
We had to coat check the pizza.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You may now shotgun with the bride
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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