I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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