I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
