it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
