He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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