matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
