ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
