can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
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He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
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Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
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