We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Just pee around me
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
