Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
