those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
