evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
