this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
