i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
we're making bets on your personal life
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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