I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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