Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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