I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
