It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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