Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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