apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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