STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
