i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
