I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
