And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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