before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
