i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
