You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Are we still banned from the library?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
