Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
