well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
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