I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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