That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
