There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
