drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
We are all done wearing pants today
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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