theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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