I must be too annoying 4 u.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
