Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
