were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
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He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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