Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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