k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
