Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
