Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
The convent might be a nice break from real life
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