I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
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He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
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My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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