mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
