I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
