Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I need to sanitize my soul.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
