I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
