I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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