If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
