Don't you send me to vm
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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