I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Randomize
