He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
