If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
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He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
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