I like my sex mixed with concussions.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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