She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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