I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
My dick has a subreddit
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
