I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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