mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
"it" just moved
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
True strength comes from lack of pants
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Randomize
