So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
why do cheetos always look like penises
you didnt know i had herpes?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
