I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
