I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize