dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
