the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
